It's Just a Broken Heart.

Ed- ya perf.
I know this song is about a break up- but I am applying to Mike's death.

Goodbye
I've got our love to remember 
That will never change 
I have you in my head 
And no, I'll never hold you 
And I'm still asking why 
I guess that this is goodbye 

My dreams suddenly seem so empty 
I could go on my own, but I feel like playin' dead 
And for what feels like the first time 
I don't know where you are tonight 
I guess that this is goodbye 

We lived half our lives together 
A hundred years is a lot of weight to bear 
And the sun, it may be shining 
But there's an ocean in my eyes 
Cause I know that this is goodbye 
Cause I know that this... is goodbye

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This morning I am finally uploading pictures from my phone onto dropbox.
Pictures from the 3 days Mike was home for hospice care appeared.
I crumbled, crying.

I often don't cry in front of my kids.

This cry, I was in another room and Ollie heard me.
She grabbed her Papa pillow (a pillow I made from one of Papa's shirts) and gave it to me saying that she wiped her tears on it to let Papa know she was sad.

I'm hugging Ollie's Papa pillow as I'm typing this and listening to Ed's Ukulele Songs.

Mike and I have had some stormy times. There is a song that always comes to mind and I've mentioned it on this blog in the past. It's on Ed's Uke Songs...
"I'll shine when you shine, painted pictures on my mind. Sun sets on this ocean, never once on my devotion. However you are or far that you'll fall..." 
And specifically the line afterward-"I'll keep on healing all the scars that we've collected from the start- I'd rather this than live without you."



-I don't know how to take away that weird white background on the text- derp-