It's Just a Broken Heart.

Ed- ya perf.
I know this song is about a break up- but I am applying to Mike's death.

Goodbye
I've got our love to remember 
That will never change 
I have you in my head 
And no, I'll never hold you 
And I'm still asking why 
I guess that this is goodbye 

My dreams suddenly seem so empty 
I could go on my own, but I feel like playin' dead 
And for what feels like the first time 
I don't know where you are tonight 
I guess that this is goodbye 

We lived half our lives together 
A hundred years is a lot of weight to bear 
And the sun, it may be shining 
But there's an ocean in my eyes 
Cause I know that this is goodbye 
Cause I know that this... is goodbye

---------------------------------------------

This morning I am finally uploading pictures from my phone onto dropbox.
Pictures from the 3 days Mike was home for hospice care appeared.
I crumbled, crying.

I often don't cry in front of my kids.

This cry, I was in another room and Ollie heard me.
She grabbed her Papa pillow (a pillow I made from one of Papa's shirts) and gave it to me saying that she wiped her tears on it to let Papa know she was sad.

I'm hugging Ollie's Papa pillow as I'm typing this and listening to Ed's Ukulele Songs.

Mike and I have had some stormy times. There is a song that always comes to mind and I've mentioned it on this blog in the past. It's on Ed's Uke Songs...
"I'll shine when you shine, painted pictures on my mind. Sun sets on this ocean, never once on my devotion. However you are or far that you'll fall..." 
And specifically the line afterward-"I'll keep on healing all the scars that we've collected from the start- I'd rather this than live without you."



-I don't know how to take away that weird white background on the text- derp-

Change and Birthdays

Oh hai.

As things do within time, my life has changed.
Looking back at this blog, I'm grateful I did record to the extent of that part of my life.
Before I remembered I had this blog, I've been trying to remember things from this time period and have fallen into a pool of fragmented mess.

Since the last post here, the biggest change is my family.
The children have grown which is great- that's what they should be doing.
I have grown which is great- and what I should be doing.
The hardest adjustment we have had to make is that Mike is now Ghost Papa who lives in our hearts.

He still helps us grow by helping us talk to ourselves.

Yesterday was our first family birthday party with Ghost Papa.
My rational self tried to be of some assurance for me that Ollie was going to love her party regardless because all she wanted was to be surrounded by friends.

Despite a last minute location change and an unexpected wind chill factor, she had a great time. That is because her birthday party wish came true- for her to be surrounded by friends.

My Little Bit showed me again that she lives in the moment- a quality I admire and cherish.

Thank you to Nanna for supplying her GymFun services, Granny for making Ollie's special request Dora cake, Julie for providing photos, and all Ollie's friends and fam for making this "the best birthday ever."